u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
