i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
