So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize