He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
