the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
