We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
