***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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