are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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