i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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