Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
