I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
