So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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