the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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