:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
