bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
