and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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