hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I faked an abortion last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
