I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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