i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
