I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
