YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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