considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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