just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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