We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
