It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
