if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
