By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
