We won't sleep together?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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