people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
