So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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