After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
This is my gift to your gina
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
