I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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