i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I have vodka in my lungs
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
