party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
