It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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