I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Acid is not a monday night drug
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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