Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
