i permit you to call me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
