Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
