Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
