Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
