I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
