It's like God shit irony all over that family
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
