i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
