Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
