I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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