life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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