I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize