at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
