@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
do herpes really smell.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
