Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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