I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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