he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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