I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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