I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
