Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize