either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize