U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
