i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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