Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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