You're so nebulous sometimes
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
