oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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