I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
