There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
