Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You left your phone here
Wait...
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