So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Randomize
