OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
