Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
