he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
