He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize