Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
