He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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