Just cropdusted the office
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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