Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
