so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
handjob tips. give me some.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
