i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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