So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
