First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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