Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
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