I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
