I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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