***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
