Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
