he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you traded sex for a burrito?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
ttyl tear gas
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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