Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
