Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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