why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Randomize
