If that was your dad, he is hot
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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